Some General Rules to Live By
OK, so we have a few basic rules. Who doesn't?
Appearance
In the Lower East Side, just like Uptown, you can change your appearance anytime you want with just a couple of exceptions. So if you wanna "go blonde" all you have to to is think "I'll be a blonde today." Change your weight, height, body type, whatever in the blink of an eye. Want "exquisite facial bone structure"? You got it!
The exceptions:
You cannot change your eye color. The Big Guy made your eyes as windows to your soul, so if you mess with them you're messin' where you shouldn't be. (Besides, we use iris scans for ID around here.)
You cannot change your gender. You are what you are. If the Big Guy thinks you need to learn a lesson or two, he might change it for you.
Last Names Don't Matter
In the Lower East Side, like the rest of Heaven, everybody knows everybody --- from the time of arrival. Who you were or what you did before don't matter.
What the heck --- you got in, didn't you?
Anyway, your last name up here doesn't mean diddly, so we wipe it from your memory the instant you arrive. For all you denizens who fee "incomplete" without a last name, don't worry about it. You will remember your last name as the city, town, or berg where you got whacked.
"Wait a second," you're thinking. "I didn't get whacked. I died of natural causes."
OK, well MOST people (and critters) in the Lower East Side got here by being whacked. If you didn't and you still feel uneasy without a last name, it will be the city, town, or berg where you croaked. Feel better now?
--- Teddy Leadville
Who Whacked You
If you once knew who whacked you, you'll forget about it on the way here. Nobody here knows who whacked them. It's 'cos of the revenge thing. It's not allowed here. We might know, but we're not telling.
Wings
The angels in the Lower East Side don't have wings. We joke around that it's because we're infantry here, not air force.
If we really feel the need to fly someplace, and we don't want to hassle with the security lines and baggage check-in, we can rent one of those little jetpack deals like Q (who is Uptown by the way) used to give James Bond.
Truth is, we don't really need to fly anyplace. We just think about where we wanna be and Shazam! The guys in the Uptown Angel Squads still have real wings, though. The sight of 'em just gives comfort to a lot of people.