Existential Ponderings
Existential is kind of a highfalutin' word, and we don't want anybody to look stupid, so we'll put some general sort-of questions in this batch, too.
Do I Exist?
Q: Hey, Teddy, do I really exist? -- Helen in Hoboken
A: You gotta be kiddin' me! If you're not sure, I guess this is the place to ask. You're reading this freakin' page aren't you?
What are Stories and Tales?
Q: What the heck is the difference between Stories and Tales? -- Grannie Grits from Greenview
A: Stories are a couple thousand words or more with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Tales are short little things that wag when they are happy.
What Gives with Real Dogs?
Q: A lot of cats around here but not many dogs, and when we do see a dog it's one of those little rat-things or a floor fuzzy. What gives? -- Nathan from Norman, Oklahoma
A: Most of the real dogs (Labs, Collies, Anatolians, etc...) go straight Uptown when they pass. A few of those little things make it, but not many because they're too damned bossy. They're actually pretty lucky to make it here to the Lower East Side. A few years back, a bunch of celebrities petitioned to make sure their little furballs went wherever they did. But since most celebrities end up in the Other Place, BG thought that it wasn't fair to the dogs... even if they were bossy little bitches.
* Sailor the Dog is a professional actor, don't try this at home.
What the Heck is a Synquel?
Q: Synquel this, Synquel that, what the heck is a Synquel? -- Jimi in Jacksonville
A: A Synquel™ is a part of a series of works that integrate characters and time.
For example:
- In Synquel A (a novel), Realtor Robin Sollars is sitting in her car at a stoplight at 7:00 am (as a very minor character).
- In Synquel B (a short story), later that same day in Robin's life she's a bit more expanded as a woman the story's main character hits on during lunch.
- In Syncquel C (another novel), later still in that same day in her life, Robin is the victim of a violent crime.
By using online tools and other technologies, we should eventually be able to follow Robin's entire day (from story to story) from a single location. Synquel™ is a trademark of ChaliceMedia LLC. -- Trademark Information
What's With the 1%? Are they Chosen?
Q: I've heard that about 1% of the people (the ones that aren't included in the "We Are the 99%) think that they have been CHOSEN. Is that true? Is that why they do all the stuff they do? -- Doug from C Street
A: Short answer - yes.
NSA: Eons ago, the Big Guy told the Boss Down Below (pictured aka HMFIC) that he could have 1% of mankind. No questions asked. For centuries, the chosen included moneychangers, inquisitors, insane dictators, royal families and such. But now there are a lot more people in the world and the 1% is a lot bigger number. A few years BG added third-world warlords, drug cartels, and the people who guarded the Martians at Area 57. When the bankers and business men started working with the dictators, warlords and drug cartels to sell them weapons, computers, cell phones, video games, and money laundering services they said,
"Hey, why can't WE live like these guys?"
Oops, dumb thing to do, and they joined the chosen 1%, too.
To clarify, BG's 1% are not the exact same 1% as the 1% as in We Are the 99% (WATNN for short). Just the majority of them. 1% percent of the WATNN have huge, generous hearts, and are NOT included in the Big Guy's deal. Are we crisp on this?
Why So Many Cats?
Q: Man, there are a lot of cats up here. How come? -- Fido, Fredericksburg
A: With very few exceptions, the Lower East Side is Uptown as far as a cat is concerned. It's because of all the rats.
Q: There are rats up here? I thought this was Heaven!
A: Hey, you'd be surprised how many good rats there are in the Trench. For them, this is Uptown, too. Up here they get to run and scurry a lot but the cats never catch them.
Q: If the cats never catch them then how can this be Uptown for cats?
A: Ever heard of a deal with the devil? I'm not sayin' such a deal ever took place understand, but we've got a passel of rats that get sent up to us on loan for "special" punishment -- the cats never miss 'em and toy with 'em for hours before the big chomp. Who knows, maybe those rats are reincarnated Latin American dictators or something.